Twice a month, American comedian, musician, writer, actor, activist, juggler, and publisher Ngaio Bealum—host of the Netflix show Cooking on High and trivia app Daily Bonfire—answers Leafly reader questions on cannabis, regarding personal use, family, community, state, and country. This week, what to do with Instagram dealers; and dank neighbors.
Question:
Dear, Ngaio,
So, I thought I found a weed plug on Instagram and I sent him some money. I never got any weed, and now I’m blocked. Advice?
—Brooke N. Burnt
Answer:
Dear, Brooke N. Burnt,
Yes. I definitely have some advice: DON’T BUY WEED FROM STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET.
I can’t believe I have to say this. It should be obvious. Seriously. Buying weed from strangers is dodgy enough, but trying to score from some rando on the internet? Pssssh. It’s just a bad idea. You have no idea who that person is.
Every few weeks, I find some random scammer on Instagram, pretending to be me (instagram.com/ngaio420, accept no substitutes), and trying to sell weed to unsuspecting potheads. This is no good.
I know it’s tough if you don’t live in a place where weed is legal, but common sense must prevail. Ask your real-life friends if they have any weed. Don’t rely on strange people lurking on the webz. Lesson learned.
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Question:
Ngaio,
I recently moved into a new apartment, in a legal state, and discovered through my window that a close neighbor is a connoisseur of the chronic. I have many questions.
1) In this age of COVID, am I at any risk whatsoever of his virus droplets riding the wafty clouds through my window and into my lungs?
2) If the volume becomes obnoxious and the dude starts smoking up my work shirts, what’s the etiquette here?
3) It smells like he’s into some serious top-shelf product. Respect. Is there a proper way to introduce myself as a fellow traveler without coming off like a total sponger?
—N. D’Hallway
Answer:
Dear, N. D’Hallway,
Ah. The joys of apartment living and shared air ducts. Modern living at its finest. I understand your dilemma and I have some advice:
1) I AM NOT A DOCTOR. I have no idea if your new neighbor’s stinky weed is a COVID risk. (Editor’s note: we’re looking into it.) My guess is: Unless he is blowing smoke directly from his lungs into your apartment, your risk is hella low. Your description makes it sound like this dude puffs doobies or joints constantly, so I feel like the aroma is due to the fact that he is waving that blunt around like an incense stick, and not that he is possibly contaminating the air supply.
2) I met one of my best friends in the world because I stank up our mutual hallway with some primo Portland pot once, and he came over to say hello. So: go make friends. Knock on the door, tell him that it smells like he has good taste in weed, and offer to match a bowl or three. Bring your own weed to share, plus some snacks and a sploof. A “sploof” (I credit editor David Downs for introducing me to this word) is a fancy way of saying “some laundry dryer sheets stuffed into a paper-towel tube.” If you wanna be hella fancy, Philter Labs makes really nice upscale sploofs.
Also: Maybe remind your neighbor that smoking a bowl or a bong is less stinky than a blunt or a joint.
Like I said in number 2, BRING SOME WEED TO SHARE. (You live in a legal state.) That way, you look like a fellow chronnossuer, and not a random person who wants to complain about the smell while also trying to sponge free nugs. I am willing to bet that the two of you will get along fine, and may even find a way to sneak up to the roof of your apartment, where ya’ll can chill and smoke and talk or not talk for hours.
Have fun making friends,
—Ngaio
